Let The Gavel Go

One of the first and perhaps most important things I learned in Psychology 101 my freshman year of college was something called the fundamental attribution error. It is an observation that states we are more likely to judge a person on what we perceive to be their character rather than some external factor affecting them in the moment. This is most obvious when we encounter someone who is stressed out and they are showing it.

There is a tendency to jump to the conclusion that this is a mean person instead of considering some basic questions, such as:

 Is this person hungry?
Is this person tired?
Is this person in pain?

I find it helpful to remember that what is often interpreted as meanness or hostility is usually some variation of anxiety. How do you feel when you’re hungry or tired or in pain? How do you act? Is it fair for others to judge who you are based on a temporary low energy state?

At one time or another everyone works through an internal struggle that folks on the outside know nothing about. Before dropping the gavel on someone, just ask: could some major stressor be affecting this person’s ability to mindfully communicate in this moment?